Managing Identity After Romantic Relationships End

After a romantic relationship ends, people are left with digital remnants—photos, posts, connections, and memories that represent a relationship that no longer exists. These digital traces can serve as unwanted reminders of the past, interfere with moving on, and complicate how people present themselves to others online.

This project explores how people navigate their online identities after breakups. We examine the challenges of managing relationship data, the role of algorithmic curation in resurfacing difficult memories, and the tools people need to support healthy transitions. Our research investigates how social media platforms can better support users through relationship dissolution by providing appropriate data management tools and reducing algorithmically-mediated encounters with ex-partner content.

Researchers

Anthony T. Pinter, Aurora Margaret, Jed Brubaker

Publications

Conservateur of a Former Self: Algorithmic Curation, Identity Exhibition, and Digital Well-Being Pinter, Anthony T. and Margaret, Annie and Brubaker, Jed R.
Oxford Intersections: Social Media in Society and Culture
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- DOI: 10.1093/9780198945253.003.0113
This research explores how people do identity in online spaces, building on Goffman’s dramaturgical approach and Hogan’s exhibitional approach. We introduce the conservateur role to describe how people make choices about their identity collection and what data the algorithmic curator can access to create identity exhibitions.
Behold the Once and Future Me: Online Identity After the End of a Romantic Relationship Pinter, Anthony T. and Brubaker, Jed R.
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- DOI: 10.1145/3555097
After a romantic relationship ends, individuals are left to deal with the digital remnants of the relationship. These possessions and connections pose difficulties for users – they are identity markers of an identity that one may no longer want legible to their online audiences. Further, they can cause upsetting moments that might impede moving on from the break-up. Through interviews with 11 women who had had a recent break-up, this empirical study examined how people managed their online identity after their break-up. We found that people took different actions towards their possessions and connections in service of creating a post-break-up identity. Using Brubaker & Hayes’s (2011) representational framework, we find users attempting to deal with connections as if they were possessions, creating tensions that our current systems are ill-suited to address. Turning to Hogan’s (2010) framework of the online identity ’exhibition’, we see users creating exhibitions for an audience of one – themselves – while also making decisions about who is allowed to see their public-facing exhibitions. We conclude by arguing that existing tools are ill-designed to support competing desires to present authentic past and future online identities and offer design suggestions for consideration.
"Am I Never Going to Be Free of All This Crap?": Upsetting Encounters With Algorithmically Curated Content About Ex-Partners Pinter, Anthony T. and Jiang, Jialun "Aaron" and Gach, Katie Z. and Sidwell, Melanie M. and Dykes, James E. and Brubaker, Jed R.
Proc. ACM Hum.-Comput. Interact. 3, CSCW: Article 70
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- DOI: 10.1145/3359172
I’m Working on Erasing You, Just Don’t Have the Proper Tools: Supporting Online Identity Management After the End of Romantic Relationships Pinter, Anthony T. and Brubaker, Jed R.
- Abstract
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- DOI: 10.1145/3637343
After a break-up, people are left with data representative of their lost relationship - pictures, posts, and connections that exist because of that relationship. As part of breaking up and moving on, people often make decisions about managing that data. Prior work has identified two broad types of curatorial philosophies people adopt in data management: archivists and revisionists. However, what drives individuals to one approach remains unknown and is difficult to design sociotechnical systems for. Through focus group interviews with couples still together, we present a decision-making framework for data management. We outline factors that can influence individuals’ decision to act as an archivist or revisionist in the wake of a break-up. From our data and framework, we identify six implications for design to improve user experiences in the wake of a break-up, and from those implications, offer concrete suggestions for design for social media platforms.